Leaving and cleaving

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And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, He made into a women, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:21-24 NKJV

Leaving our families of origin and cleaving to our spouse is a crucial part of laying marriage foundation which positions couples to effectively build stronger marriages. It is destructive to continue to depend on a parent after marriage. This dependence will hinder the bonding which must occur between our spouse and us.

Our relationship with our spouse precedes and takes priority over parent and child relationship. We become joined and united with our spouse, blend the two lives at every level: physically, financially, mentally, emotionally and spiritually with our families of origin. Is there a possibility that you might have left your childhood home but have not really left your parents behind

During this period of leaving and cleaving to our spouses, couples need to establish healthy boundaries and cease to remain dependent on their families of origin. Manage expectations and avoid interference from families. Leaving and cleaving does not mean dishonoring our parents, we continue to honour and respect our parents but become independent.

Establish financial independence. Refrain from comparing your marriage to your parents marriage, your marriage is different. Involve your spouse in key decisions and refrain from constantly consulting your family of origin. Set the tone of how you want your marriage to be, it needs to grow into a distinct and unique unit that is independent of the family of origin.

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